Do's and Don'ts of Moving out

I received an email this morning from a friend in South Africa who mentioned that we seem to be so well settled already and that she hadn't ever seen such a smooth transition before and maybe I should put some advice in my blog to future emmigrants, well I don't know if I am qualified to do that, but I am going to give it a go. These are just my ideas and opinions and the things that have made our transition easy, they are by no means gospel, but if even one of them helps well then it was worth it.

Do
.......choose your country very carefully, and ignore what anyone else says about it - what works for one family is not necessarily what works for another. Be careful of just going where everyone else is going, don't get caught up in the run, make a conscious decision. If we had listened to all the negatives about the UK we would never be here and yet it has been the best thing ever for our family.

.........find your pull factor - and this one is from Simon - it is no good being pushed from the problems South Africa faces, there it some kind of drama everywhere, and until you are happy where you are, chances are you won't be happy where you are going.

.......move on with your life, that doesn't mean forgetting South Africa and the wonderful family and friends you left behind, and trust me that is the hardest part, but plan to make friends and make an effort.

........get skype and I can't tell you how important that is, it gives you a free lifeline to the people back home and only by being in contact with what is familiar are you able to deal with what is strange.

.........keep busy, and this may be expensive at first, so try to budget for it - we have traveled all round our area already and are planning a trip north to Newcastle next weekend and then one West to Bristol in the middle of July - this keeps the family's mind off what they would have been doing in South Africa and adds an element of excitement to the settling in process.

........do allow yourself to be sad, but get over it, it is when we take to our beds that the trouble starts. Whenever I feel the melancholy coming on, I pick up my bag and go for a walk to the post office to send a post card to family or buy some milk from the local grocer and by the time I am home I have been distracted and am more in control again....think about how we deal with crying children, distraction, distraction, distraction.

........find a purpose, if you are unable to work and earn an income then be the best house wife/husband you can, or if that doesn't work for you find a charity to get involved with - by feeling needed and essential you can fool your brain into thinking that you have a place where you belong, and eventually you will find you do belong.

........expect your children to cope and they will - that was a bit of advice given to me by a very good friend who has moved many times in her children's short lives and it was some of the best advice I received prior to our emigration. I am not saying don't let them feel sad and miss family and friends, but don't let them dwell on it either, children are more resilient then we think.

Don'ts

..... let your children see you breakdown before, during or after the move. Now I may meet some resistance on this one, but it worked for me for two reasons (a) because if I break down and cry and can't cope they begin to wonder what they are being let into and become stressed and agitated themselves, but if I am positive then they will feel safe and know that I have no doubt that we are making the right decision and (b) if I need to keep it together for them, it gives me the strength to fight the hard times and if you act happy, chances are eventually you will find that you are happy.

......listen to Johnny Clegg, eat boerewors rolls, niknaks, all gold tomato sauce or fanta orange until you can do it with a smile on your face and a joy in your heart. We still haven't had any of those things in our home and "Scatterlings of Africa" is simply banned for the moment, this is an incredibly hard thing to do, so don't make it harder on your self.

......expect your new county to be trouble free, there are high fuel prices, retrenchment, exorbitant cost of living, corruption everywhere, guess it goes back to what I said earlier, be pulled by what your new county HAS got, not what you think it hasn't.


Well that is about it, as I said, many of you may read this and think I am totally insane, but it worked for me, and maybe some of it can work for you.