Thursday 2nd October 2008

Today was clinic day and the first time I have been into the village since mom left.....well it felt very strange, and not in a nice way - I suppose it is the same feeling as you have when you are single and surrounded by couples in loving relationships, it seemed like every second woman was there with her mom and they were all laughing and chatting and I confess to feeling kinda sad.

I decided to take a walk up through the village to distract myself and you know what, it just made it worse, it seemed like everywhere I went made me think of mom and what we had been doing the same time last week - I know that these raw feelings will pass and I will slowly but surely get back on my feet, but I confess that it has taken me a bit by surprise, so if any of you reading this have recently immigrated and are expecting family or friends for a visit soon, make the most of it and love every minute of it and allow yourself the time to grieve once they leave, it is the reality of our lives now and although it isn't easy by any stretch of the imagination, it is the price and we have to learn to pay it willingly.

Once I was finally on my walk home I decided that, like I have said before, I can't change the situation only the way I react to it, and my mom wouldn't want me moping around, but rather celebrating my life here, so with that in mind I started focusing on what I am grateful for rather then what I am feeling miserable about, and I am glad to say it worked.

My dear friend Beryldene keeps a regular gratitude diary, I am unfortunately not quite as dedicated as she is, but counting your blessings certainly helps so with that in mind, here are a few of the things that I am grateful for today.

• I am grateful for the beautiful weather we have been having lately, it is a last little bit of summer and the countryside is absolutely spectacular at the moment.
• I am grateful that I can sit in the park and watch the squirrels collecting acorns for the winter, not everyone has the opportunity to change their life so dramatically and have so many new experiences at my age and it is wonderful.
• I am grateful that my children are happy and settled in their new school and with their new life.
• I am grateful for my beloved husband, he really is the most amazing man and his patience with me and commitment to our family has never been as obvious as it is now during this new adventure.
• I am grateful for Nicholas and the wonderful medical care we have received to date and the support that we will continue to receive as he grows up.
• I am grateful to my dad for allowing my mom to stay so long and patiently teaching her skype so that we can stay in touch.
• I am grateful to my mom for putting her life on hold so that my family could get on our feet and learn to cope with our new arrival.
• I am grateful for my continued contact with the Bratz, whenever I need a lift they are always there and amazingly the distance hasn't weakened our friendship at all only made it better.
• I am grateful for my new friends and the special flavour that they are adding to my life, their kindness first through our initial arrival, then through Nicholas's birth and now through my mom's departure has been a wonderful and unexpected gift.

And those are just some of the reasons that I can go to sleep tonight with a content heart and wake tomorrow looking forward to all that it has to offer.