What a rollercoaster ride this has been, I was hoping to have been home by now, but at this moment I am not sure when that is going to happen….Nicholas’s Billy Ruben levels (indication of jaundice) keep bouncing around and he has once again been placed under the lights for the third time – spoke to the paediatric nurse on duty tonight (from South Africa funnily enough) and although she has assured me that Nicholas is not sick and is very strong and progressing well they need to take more blood to try and determine what is underlying the jaundice and rule out some conditions which may be keeping the levels unstable.
Haven’t been able to stop crying, I think I am just emotionally and physically exhausted, Simon and the nursing staff decided that it would be a good idea for me to go home for an hour this evening just to get some fresh air and spend some time with the family…..really don’t know if it was the best thing though as the excitement in the children’s voices when they thought I was home for good and having to say good bye to them again at the end of the evening was heartbreaking and I also don’t know how good it was for them to see me in such a state – but that said, I have decided to go home every evening for 2 hours to have dinner with the family from now on and the nursing staff will give Nicholas a top up bottle of expressed milk during that time if he needs it as I am hoping to normalize our situation a little bit as Phillip in particular is starting to take strain and at this stage I have absolutely no idea when we will be going home for good.
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