Not in God but in our decision to move here....this is the first time in 5 months that I have actually sat back and wondered if we have made the right decision. I am sure that with enough will power and focus on the "pull factors" in a couple of days I will be back on top again, but for now I think it is important to document today as an important part of our journey.
While Margie and Fergus were here, Margie and I were chatting about living in England and whether or not we will return to South Africa and something that Margie said seems to have struck a cord with me.....she asked me whether it was really worth "wasting the time we have left with our parents living here" or words to that effect. At the time I gave her an adamant yes and told her how positive my mom was about us being here and that at least when my parents visit next year it will be 1 month (or there abouts) of brilliant quality time.
This morning however, as I lay in my bed feeding my precious Nicholas and looking down at his beautiful little face I was suddenly struck by the most overwhelming sadness....my folks won't get to see him or experience this, my mom had 2 months, but he has already changed so much and I just know how much she would adore spending time with him now....and my dad hasn't even met him. I think it is also that as Christmas draws I find myself more and more lost and desperately scrabbling for something to do that will fill the hole in my heart just a little bit - this is the first time in 35 years I will be away from my parents over the holidays and it is breaking my heart...the holiday are meant to be about family and half of mine is missing.
So the question remains......is this really worth it, depriving my children of their grandparents? I LOVE England and have very happily made it my home, but home is where the heart is and for as long as my mom and dad are in South Africa a very big part of it will remain there and how long can we live with only half a heart.
8 comments:
Sorry to hear that you are having a sad moment Andrea.
Unfortunately I don't have any words of comfort. It is one of those things in life that we have to learn to live with and just make the best out of. At least you do have choices if it becomes to unbearable.
The first year is always the hardest as you struggle to find balance.
Maybe make a point out of spending every other Christmas in SA?
Oh my precious friend - these thoughts and feelings are a sad reality - yes we are missing out precious time with our parents and famiy back home - choosing to leave them all and come live seas apart in another country to raise our children wihtout them in our daily lives - the reality of that is gutt wrenching and simply too painfull to comprehend...but we need to realise we are parents now and we have our children to live for and bringing them here was for a better opportunity and a safer one - only to be faced with an entire different kettle of fish here - dealing with problems and issues we were never faced with in south africa - so you need to decide - why here - why not there - is it enough to keep you happy here? is your love for your parents and their involvement in your lives outwaying the draw of england - once you have decided which one wins - go for it - if south africa wins - like it did for me when we decided to pack up and fly HOME -make plans to return and do it fast - cause once you are there and all the reality of why you left is still there you may decide to turn around and return here like we did as soon as humanly possible - but sadly it is only something you can decide - well you and the hubby and kiddies - taking into account what is best for all 5 of you -not just you and your love for your folks - not just you missing your parents involved in nicholas life - nicholas is fine wihtout them for now - and sadly your children adore them but they arent in tears daily - are they? it can be done - we are doing it - i would be thrilled to have them all here but for now this isnt enough to give it all up - yes we are going to get news that one has died and someone has been ill and in hospital and that will AGE me so much but thats the bitter pill we chose to swallow knowing leaving south africa had its price tag - honestly speaking i cant smile and laugh as loundly wihtout my family around me - i will never be totally happy without all of them but we had to do this for the girls safety and for our safety - crime was a huge factor for us and we are sure paying for that now - not having our loved ones down the road - hell we miss them weekly - daily - right now i have tears in my eyes - their faces flooding my mind - i miss them so so so much - i know where you are at - i was there - i packed up and ran home - i got home and thought what the hell have i done - all i needed to do was go for a holiday and then i would of been fine to return to england again - so thats my advice to you - go home for a holiday as soon as you can -then return untill the need arises again then holiday again and so on - inbetween that they will be here for a trip and that way you will get by - if at the end of a few years it isnt working then return to south africa to live out your days - but just know that when they die from old age - as they will - is south africa enough to keep you there - will the children leave you when they are 18 to return here - will you want to follow or will you stay there - it is a weird emotional roller coaster that simply doesnt end - so for now - smile and enjoy the christmas preparations - yes miss the parents - obviously - but you are a family - you are parents and need to be there 100 % for your kiddies - making a memory for YOUR children - i promise you this awfull homesickness will pass - for a few weeks then it will return then it will pass - and through it all i will be here to act tough and strong and tell you what you need to hear - but inside i am there with you in tears - feeling the same - thinking the same - the difference is - NOTHING WILL MAKE ME GO BACK - i will stay here in sadness and suffer inside - as we believe this is best for our children - not for us as adults - no ways - for the girls - so our love for them outways our love for our parents - as it should do - a different love. love you lots - always here for you - linda
Shame, sorry to read your downcast thoughts. Quite normal though and I would NOT recommend coming back to Africa EVER!
You have actually made the move now and very successsfully from the sounds of it. Harsh as it is we all have to do what is going to be best for our children.
We moved to South Africa from Zimbabwe only 3 years ago, having spent my whole life there, bar a few years of study in Cape Town, and it was very hard to do and even harder to settle, but I never want to go back (none of my family live there any more) and we are just glad that we are outta there and one step closer to the 1st world (believe me if you thik SA is the third world Zim is the lost world!)
We have no plans to remain here forever and would have gone to Australia if we had enough points. Hopefully we can get our 2eldest matriculated (our eldest definitely) before moving to UK simply because my husband had a job opportunity here that at least is supporting us all in the meantime.
Your folks will be glad of a trip out of SA whenever they are able and with technology today they can keep right up-to-date with your lives so try to focus on your blessings there...
Hi there, just dropped in on your blog ... this seems like a very soul-searching topic; but, I am thinking I would never want to bring up my kids in SA - you have done the right thing; your parents are totally supportive and really with modern communication and travel you can still have quality time...you have to put your kids first because they are your future ... good luck with the decision.
Hi my friend.Don't ever question whether or not you & Simon made the right decision.It was not an overnight one as you guys thought long & hard about it.I know how close you are to your folks but I also know that they wouldn't want you go come back to S.A. for them.
Remember the reason why you left S.A. in the first place.It was for your children & it was definately the right decision.
It is understandable that you miss them but as time goes by things will get easier.Before you know it next year will be on your doorstep & your folks will be there for a visit.Something good to look forward to.
Thanks to the blog & skype you can keep in contact with them.I know it is not the same but it is at least something.
Don't ever doubt you decision to move.Remember the reason why you guys did it.Your children are the most important people in your lives & they must come first.
Keep your chin up.Love & miss you & our visits very much. Mary
Hi - I am new to following your blog.
I hope that you get over your sad moment. I can understand how you feel as we lived in Ireland for 3 and a half years. We returned to SA last year and so far have been happy with the decision.
Though some days I too wonder if we have done the right thing for our kids by returning. So who knows perhaps we will move again in the next few years.
Hi Caroline, not sure how to move the playlist, but I do know I have some other mac users reading the blog so if any of them have any suggestions how we can fix the problem, please let me know
xxx
Hiya Andrea,
I'm using firefox - which is probably the problem.
I can change my browser (to what you use?) or maybe you can go into 'Layout' and move the playlist to below the 'About me' section.
Thanks
xx
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