I have decided that if you are going to immigrate, you should probably have a baby at the same time.....it is simply the BEST way to make friends (lol). Seriously though, I am very grateful for the girls that I have met through my NCT class, we are becoming a group of friends and offer support and encouragement to each other, which really does help when you are so far away from home.
Last night we decided to meet up for the first time without the babies, and it was lovely to sit in a cocktail bar (no pub for us lol) and drink chilled white wine and just relax, we talked for hours and hours and have decided that it is definitely something we are going to do on a monthly basis. This morning the same group was off to baby rhyme time at the library and hot chocolate afterwards at the Cafe' Rouge and on Friday we are all off for a walk at Wakehurst Place, so lots on to keep me busy.
One of the girls is leaving for Cape Town tomorrow on a holiday and it was whilst sitting at the cafe' talking about South Africa that a post made by Caroline on her blog a couple of days ago really rang true. Caroline was commenting on the tragedy that in South Africa the victim is now so often blamed for the crime, you know the drill, someone is attacked in their home and the immediate reaction by most people who hear the story is "oh well she didn't have security" or "why did she open her door to a stranger after dark" or "they should never have been driving with their windows open, what where they thinking."
As is so often the case when discussing South Africa with "outsiders", the subject of the crime rate is inevitable and while I continue to be an ambassador for a beautiful country it was after relating the very sad story of the two deaths in Hillcrest recently and watching the reaction of the English people I was sitting with that I truly understood Caroline's comments - these women were not desensitised to the horrors of the crime and it never crossed their minds that in some way the victims could have been responsible for their attacks. At the same time I understand why many South Africans (and myself included) have taken the other attitude, because if we think that the victim was in some way responsible, then it means that we have some kind of control over whether or not we fall victim to the crime ourselves, and that makes day to day life bearable.
Such a conundrum, and not something I have any answer for, but at the risk of offending readers, I have to say that I am grateful to be living in a country where a murderer is caught and prosecuted and the horror of the story is spread over every newspaper and the family of the victim are supported and nurtured by their community. As many of you know we left South Africa not because of the crime, but for Simon's job opportunities and for future opportunities for the children, but it is since being here that I can look back and realise the stress that we were living under and I can honestly say that we may not have left due to crime, but it is probably the reason that we would never return.....and that makes me immeasurable sad.
7 comments:
Thank you for the link Andrea.
You are happy in your space - you shouldn't have to apologize for that. And who knows what the future holds - one day at a time.
xx
oh my friend - i also have the same conversations coming up with my new social crowd here- they all ask me the same - is it true??? how scary what councelling is available??? am i ok after living under those stressfull times???? - they cry and their eyes well up when i have relayed "common" crime situations - they freak out at how scary that might be - and we say it like it is a way of life - seeing the stupidity of the "victim" for making it "easy"for the crime to have taken place - what rubbish - i agree with you - a person should be free to walk or drive or open their door without being killed and to sit outside having a barbeque/braai without being attacked or robbed to drive home late at night without hearing their heart beating in their chest from fear of being hijacked - only to arrive at your driveway and not look 42 times all over to see if it is safe to walk calmly to your front door and carry in your shopping leaving a sleeping child in the back seat knowing you can go get them shortly not rushing into the "safe" home for fear of being attacked - oh i am so so so so so glad to be out of that hey - for us it is a HUGE factor why we would never ever return - living here has shown us how crime stressed we actually were .... never knew it was that bad and we wernt even attacked and no "story" to tell. but as you and i always say - each to their own - we all have opinions and these are our personal diaries - our BLOGS of life here in the UK - so we must feel free to express our feelings....love you lots, linda
Ai, so true. I love living in SA but often allow myself to wander down the emigration path...it will be easy for us so maybe one day.
The big thing for me is my family and friends. If they all upped and came with me I would leave in a hearbeat. Not a hint of patriotism in me. However my life revolves around my relationships and I simply am not ready to leave them.
But I agree, having a baby is a GREAT WAY to make new friends. I do already HAVE 3 though so it may not be the best option for me. LOL
Hi Andrea. What a thought provoking entry. As with many, many South Africans, there are few of us who haven’t been affected by crime (from violent to petty), either directly or involving family and friends. We all have stories to relate and many of us don’t, I suppose for fear of sounding overly dramatic. It also becomes too depressing, not only for yourself, but for everyone around you. It forces one to face the reality of what is going on. However, here is what happened a week ago: I had dinner with some girl friends. After a lovely meal and a good laugh, we did the usual mwah, mwah kisses and wished everyone a safe trip home. In the early hours of the morning one of my dinner friends was woken up by 5 armed men in her bedroom. They had attacked her husband and his friend who were downstairs. He was the last to leave of a group of men who had spent the evening there, playing poker. The robbers tied up my friend and her 13 year-old daughter and proceeded to ransack the house with cold precision. With no apparent hurry, they took everything of value from their home. As they were leaving, one of the robbers spoke to the little girl with contempt and told her how lucky she was to have all the pretty things she had in her bedroom.
I won’t say that they were lucky not to be seriously hurt. And because they had guests coming and going that evening, security had been lessened. But this is no excuse for 5 thugs to come in and terrorise a family. The horror of that night will live with them forever and their lives will never be the same (as a victim of an armed robbery myself, I speak from experience). I think we try to down play the horror of a situation like this, purely to remain sane. If we were to really allow it to creep into our minds we would all be nervous and emotional wrecks. And I think you are right about the victims often getting blamed for the occurrence of the crime. It is probably a defense mechanism for a situation which is beyond our control. I know that it was incredibly hard for you and your family and that you have had to give up a lot by leaving South Africa, but I am glad that you have found the peace and security that we all long for.
Am still enjoying following your blog whenever I get the chance, Andrea! I have made some great strides in Blogland, you should come on over & take a look...I have you to thank for giving me the push to get blogging. If it wasn't for Tracey's letter to all Scrapkits subscribers I would never have known about your blog, nor clicked on the "create a blog"...boy, I must say I didn't know what I was getting myself into. This ride through Blogland has been such an adventure, I can't imagine life before blogging???!!! Re: negative thoughts, etc, re Immigrating. Do NOT worry about it...we left Zim 3 years ago & even had thoughts of going back THERE...can you imagine, lol?! It took us 2 full years to settle here just as people said it would, but don't worry, we never had the idea of this being permanent, Africa will always have it's problems & I got sick & tired of them long ago. We are only here because it suits us for now with work, etc, & will probably end up like you in the UK. I have always wanted to live there & envy you ;-D
Gf...I love these debates….and there never is a right or wrong because we are all so different with different values and opinions and frames of reference, but as a South African, still happily living here, here is possibly a different point of view, to those who are still here trying to make sense of the crime here…and for those from other countries, who maybe don’t know enough about our country to judge…
Firstly, I think it is so incredible that many of us have the opportunity to choose where we live, with the globe being so small. Years ago (many YEARS!!) the majority of people had no choice but to live where they lived. Irrespective of whether there was a gruesome World War on, Iraq, Crime in South Africa, revolting climates, or a collapsing economy, they lived under the conditions that their life time and country presented them with, in their "now" so to speak. I love that people can, if something isn’t working for them in a country, move elsewhere and live their best life with all the things they deem as essential to their family being fulfilled and reaching their full potential. Sadly, South Africa has lost many wonderful people due to the crime, and fortunately some have returned.
For me personally, and maybe those still living here may see some value in this, I have been fortunate to be exposed to a number of people who have a great understanding of what is happening in our country, where we are going, and more importantly, WHERE WE HAVE COME FROM. This has given me the insight FOR NOW, I’ve needed to allow me not to live in denial, but as I see it, live in acceptance of where we are at as a nation, country and continent. We live in Africa people – get real! And whilst for years and years we’ve enjoyed all the wonderful things it had to offer (including the Colonialists!!!), the wheel is now turning, and with it comes the repercussions, namely crime etc. I’ve chosen to see this as one of the phases of the “times I have lived in”, just as my Gran lived through a World War and depression.
I don’t live in anger and fear every day, but I FULLY UNDERSTAND that I could be a victim of crime, and I balance those thoughts with the reality that I could be a victim of crime ANYWHERE, from what I’ve heard from people who’ve lived elsewhere, and come back and I try and be careful. I also remind myself that for now, our best life is HERE. The crimes here are senseless, but in my opinion, no less senseless than sending young sons and daughter and mothers and fathers out to die in Iraq, or the heinous things that people do to each other and children daily. The truth of the matter is that here average citizens do feel more at risk than if our “boys were fighting on the border”. Then of course there is no justice, for which we live in hope, that it may change. And I can totally relate to how some victims may feel about being blamed, as I've often had my husband say, you shouldn't have left the door unlocked etc etc, and I do get irate, but then I remember that sadly that is one of the "trade off's" to living here. I think to be happy living in South Africa, you have to accept that you do live a different life influenced by crime, which is a trade off for having the other good things, just as people in England have to live their lives differently to deal with weather or being apart from loved ones, which is their trade off for feeling more safe, just as Americans face more natural disasters like hurricanes and earthquakes that can also be life threatening, to be able to live in America...
Thanks to ALL of you for your comments and thoughts, there is no easy fix to the problems of the world....well unless they get rid of all the men in power and let us take over the world....just amongst the women who commented on this entry we have a true powerhouse (lol).
Post a Comment