Wednesday 24th February 2010

At a social gathering a little while ago someone asked me if I still felt like an immigrant or if I was starting to make England my home and if I was, why did I think we were successful when so many others have found the whole experience horrific......at the time I wasn't really sure of the answer but have spent a lot of time thinking about it since then and the following I think are our key factors - every experience is so so different and like I often say to my friend Linnie, I can only comment on my reality.

• We had pull factors for coming here and not push factors so there was no "bad" memory to fade and make us forget why we left in the first place

• Some of you have said it is our positive attitude, but like my mom said the last time she was here it has more to do with my bloody mindedness, I have done this and come hell or high water I will make it work.....have never been very good at going back on a decision once it is made and tend to kill myself making sure it works.

• I arrived with two of my best friends in all the world, Tanya and Linda already in the country so from day 1 I had a support group and someone to phone for a chat when things are hard and I was feeling lonely or lost, and trust me Linnie and I speak EVERY day, I simply cannot overrate the impact of this one, having a friendly voice can be a LIFE SAVER.

• I had a baby 8 weeks after arriving which (a) ensured that my mom arrived to support me just when the honeymoon period was ending and (b) it opened up the most amazing group of women to me and they have become very treasured friends and as we don't belong to any other groups like a church again this source of friendship can't be underestimated.

• My dh signed us up for broadband and special call rates to South Africa immediately and I literally ring home whenever I feel like it - sometimes 4 times in a day if things are going wrong and being able to chat to my parents at any time and about anything has helped me cope in some difficult situations. Also being able to ring up old friends for a good chinwag makes all the difference and at only 3p per minute it is money well spent.

• Fortunately my parents are financially stable and my mother has already visited twice and arrives again in 3 weeks - I am an only child and my relationship with my parents is very very close and having the ongoing contact with them is vital to my survival here.
  

• Material possessions are not of significant importance to me and this has been key when having to take hand me downs from people and drive an old jalopy - I am so grateful for everything we have and the fact that it didn't cost a fortune or have a label means absolutely NOTHING.

• Finally, and probably most significantly I did this with a man I ADORE. Simon and I have a marriage that really works and we compliment each other in almost every way, where I am weak he is a rock and where he is weary, I show no fear. We have pulled together through the entire process and adversity and difficulty has forged us together rather than driven us apart - we have nurtured our relationship through the whole process and work on supporting each other every single day.

Now that I have started, the list just goes on and on, I feel really passionate about this journey and I think that may be the biggest reason for our success - I WANT this with EVERY fibre of my being and as such I pay the price, as high as it is, with what I hope is grace and good humour. Ultimately I think that is the key....are you willing to pay the price for where you live and if the answer is YES you will find happiness.