Wednesday 27th July 2011

Today has arrived altogether too quickly for my liking and is the first day without my lovely mom in 6 weeks...the conservatory where she slept is far too quiet and empty and Nick keeps asking when Nanny is coming back to his home.

Mom's trip this time seemed to fly by way to fast and I can't believe that she is gone again for another year. Her little touches are still in the house and when I stand at my kitchen window looking at the gorgeous garden she has helped us create I know that a little bit of her heart remains with us and that she is never far away in spirit.

Again it was thanks to the unselfishness of my Dad that we were able to have this wonderful time together and I only hope he knows how much we appreciate his sacrifice, Mom certainly leaves a HUGE hole in the house when she is not there.

Saturday 16th July 2011

Nicholas will be turning 3 at the end of the month and I would be lying if I said the thought of his birthday party, in our current circumstances, hadn't been filling me with dread. Luckily the solution presented itself to me in the form of my lovely friend Kirsty and her suggestion of a joint celebration for Nick, her son Max and a third friend Richard.

The morning dawned grey and raining, but as we had booked a hall for the event the stress levels remained low and I was able to really enjoy the final preparations. The boys had an absolute blast and loved all the Gruffalo themed food and decorations.

Meg and Phill where wonderful keeping the little ones entertained at the biscuit decorating and craft tables and in Nick Nick's words it certainly turned out to be "the best party ever". A happy day for my darling little boy and one made extra special by the fact that his Nanny was there to share it with him.

Sunday 10th July 2011

Things fortunately seem to be returning to normal and I feel like I am finally lifting my head above the fog of the last couple of weeks and the sun is starting to shine. On Saturday I braved taking both Nick and Elizabeth to a birthday party on my own, and while the experience wasn't great at least I did it and I survived (although I did make Si promise me that he wouldn't make me do it again for the foreseeable future).

This morning we decided a family road trip would be doable and so packed our car to the rafters and headed down the coast to Pagham, a small seaside village near Chichester, and also the site of my family home.

The weather was glorious and the whole family enjoyed time lying on the beach chatting and relaxing before a lovely lunch in a quaint beach cafe followed by a trip to the local parish church to visit my great grandparents grave.

The children were enchanted by the history my mom was able to tell them about my paternal family and it was fun to drive around finding houses that used to belong to aunt and uncles and to see "White Rock" restored to it's former glory after years and years of neglect.

Wednesday 6th July 2011

Elizabeth is now just over a month old and I am slowly starting to find my feet (thanks to Mom) while at the same time realising just what hard work 4 children are going to be....this morning I took Megan to Tesco's to buy a printer cartridge so she could finish her homework, came home made the big children's lunches, breastfed Elizabeth, did a load of washing, swept the house and took Megs, Phill and Nick Nick to school and that was all before 8.30am.

Mom is now just over half way through her trip and without her I can say without doubt I would have been sunk, my antidepressants are certainly helping to keep me on an even keel, but her presence is vital in the house at the moment...I have said many times I am terrified of how I am going to manage this without her, but she keeps reminding me that Elizabeth is growing up by the day and before long (with luck) the house will be running smoothly around us and our happy balance will be restored.

Si and Mom have also been working hard on our garden this trip and it is really starting to take shape now. I love the fact that when she goes home we will have little reminders of her in our home until she can come back again.

Wednesday 22nd June 2011

Another week has passed in a blur of breastfeeding, dirty nappies and broken sleep, punctuated only by the blessing of a fleeting visit from Tanya. Having arrived by bus last week Thursday she kindly ferried us around all over the place, entertained Nick Nick for hours and gave me much needed down time from baby as well.

Emotionally I have been on a bit of a roller coaster and finally on Friday gave in and saw the doctor who has prescribed a mild antidepressant to help stabilise my mood swings and help me to get a little more balance. Having been a sufferer of Post Natal Depression in the past I am terribly afraid of falling down into that pit again and am hoping that with the help of these little white tablets I will be able to ward it off this time round.

Having Mom here has as always been a Godsend as she keeps me busy and active which also helps with the erratic emotions....once again I find myself counting the blessings of wonderful people that I have in my life and thanking God everyday for each and every one of them.

Saturday 18th June 2011

We are now at the beginning of week three with our new little treasure, and she is turning out to be the easiest baby in the world....plenty of sleep and not too many tears little Elizabeth is already displaying a contented, patient nature and I am certainly hoping that she will follow in her big brother Nicholas's footstep and continue in the manner in which she has started.


My mom has now also been with us a week and her presence in the house is a hugely stabilising influence on me as I battle with broken sleep, hormones and the demands of our now not insubstantial household. I am always eternally grateful to my parents for my mom's regular visits and this trip is no exception, having her here is a wonderful gift.

My Girl turns THIRTEEN

Yesterday our beautiful Megan came of age as it were and finally officially entered her teenage years....thirteen is a BIG DEAL birthday and I can't believe that our precious "baby" girl has already reached that age.


Megs you are an incredibly responsible young lady and, as I have said on more than one occasion, I think you would be off living in your own flat by now if we would let you (and pay the rent lol), you have grown up with grace and kindness and although you aren't always the most outgoing person in the world, you have a quite confidence which shines through when you most need it and Dad and I couldn't be prouder of you at this time than we are.

Go ahead into your life my child, embrace every moment as time rushes by so fast...be ALL that you can be and ALWAYS know that to your family you are the world and we ADORE you just the way you are.


Happy Birthday my Angel!
xxx

Friday 10th June 2011

Elizabeth is a week old today and it has definitely been the hardest so far....not in a baby crying screaming kind of way (she just doesn't do that) but in a deep gut wrenching tired kind of way.

As of Monday Megan and Phillip will be catching first a taxi to the station, then a train to Haywards Heath before walking the remaining distance to school and in order to prepare them for this quite mammoth task Si and I decided that he should do the trip with them today in order to make sure that they are fully equip for the new week. This of course meant that I would be home alone with Nick and Elizabeth.

Nicholas was as good as gold (as was our baby girl) but I can't believe how the 5 hours we spent together (2 in the morning and 3 in the afternoon) totally exhausted me to the point that I simply burst into tears when Si finally arrived home with the older two.


I think this kind of exhaustion is to be expected and I know that it is going to get way way worse as the sleep deprivation kicks in, but I just have to look down at my beautiful girl or hear my older two laughing and playing with Nick Nick to know that it is all so worthwhile, even if tonight that overwhelming rush of love is enough to reduce me to tears in an instant.

Wednesday 8th June 2011

Having been discharged from hospital late on Monday it has been wonderful to be back with the family as we get to know our precious baby daughter / sister and explore the first days of her life together.

Elizabeth (Beth) is turning out to be equally as content as Nicholas was as a baby although, in my opinion, she is far more like Phillip in looks and seems to take more after the Potter family than the Robertsons. She is feeding beautifully and only lost a tiny 70g from her birth weight...another old soul, this little one has definitely seen it all before and has an incredibly peaceful look in her already alert little eyes.

As my caesar scar has healed up a treat the family took the opportunity to go on a little outing to the park yesterday and it felt INCREDIBLE to be out in the gorgeous sunshine holding Nick Nick's hand as we strolled along, Phill pushing his new sister in her fab pram whilst Si and Meg walked up ahead, arms linked, heads together solving the mysteries of the world....a perfect moment and a diamond in my tennis bracelet!

Elizabeth's Story

Having fought long and very hard for my elective caesar, Friday 3rd June 2011 couldn't arrive fast enough and it was with great relief that we dropped Megan, Phillip and Nicholas off with the wonderful Viljoen Family a little after 7.30am in order to be at the Princess Royal by 8am sharp.

As with many things in life it was a little bit of a case of hurry up and wait as, although I was originally on the docket for 9am, the birth of twins and two emergency caesars pushed us down the time sheet. Finally a little before 2pm when we were called to the theater and Dr Fooad's professional, friendly manner went along way in relaxing my quite anxious beating heart at this point.

To be honest the feeling was a bit surreal, it is one thing to agree to a caesar when you have been through hours and hours of labour, but quite another to walk calmly into a room, lie down on a bed and know that just behind a sheet there is going to be someone cutting into your stomach to remove your baby....and all this while you are awake. There is no adrenalin pumping and no endorphins in the system and I confess to feeing a bit sick at the thought as I waited for the spinal block to go into place.

Dr Fooad was very quick and efficient and at 2.21pm the Anesthetist nurse was telling Si he could look over the sheet to see our precious bundle take her first breath....she was perfect from the first second and scored 9/10 and 10/10 on her apgars, there was no need for suction and within minutes Si was holding our beautiful daughter so that I could look at her face for the first time.

As with my first three the love was immediate and overwhelming and I thank God for this wonderful gift, our second baby girl, a cherished soul to close the circle of our family.


Retrospectively the elective caesar was the best thing I could have done for me and the care we received from the hospital was second to none. I developed Sinus Tachycardia for no apparent reasn on day two and the number of tests etc conducted (on the NHS) to ensure my health and well being was staggering, there are private medical systems all over the world that could learn a thing or two from the medical staff on this public health system.

A truly wonderful experience from beginning to end.....Welcome to our world little Elizabeth Lynne, may you be blessed by God all the days of your life xxxx