I have been back in the UK for almost a week now and I am finally starting to settle down and process my flying visit to South Africa......since returning I have really tried to look at this country with new eyes and to compare it with South Africa in a frank non-biased way, my conclusion....this is impossible.
You couldn't find two countries more different if you tried and there is simply no way to compare them - South Africa is passionate, exciting, magnificent in scenery, noisy and wild, the people are amazing problem solvers and the men stand tall and walk proudly.
England on the other hand is gentle, tranquil, serene and calm (well where I live at least), there is very little need for problem solving here and I guess to some it may be boring and frustrating, but to me it has definitely become home and I am obviously at that time in my life when a little bit of stability is just what I need to feel balanced :0)
This trip to South Africa was another first for me and in many respects it was a HUGE part of this journey, I MISS my family and friends more now then two weeks ago when I had learned somehow to live without them in my day to day life, their absence is once again a huge raw wound but I know that with time it will heal again and I will be stronger for it.
This trip helped me to realise that life has gone on in South Africa without us (as well it should) but it also meant I walked the streets without recognising a soul and suddenly I no longer "belonged" there. This feeling is not without its sadness as I don't fully belong here either....by English standards we are still new comers to the village and will be for many years, so I am a little in limbo at the moment I guess and I would be lying if I said it hadn't unsettled me slightly.
All that said however I am so grateful for the opportunity to return, even if the reason was sad as it is all part of the process and I am glad I was able to do it on my own the first time so that I can be ready to help my family through it in August when we all go back together.
6 comments:
well said my friend - you put that beautifully. Leaving a country and starting over is never easy - visiting from whence we came would affect anyone - well those who have a heart and care for people and places like we both do....your old life is exactly that - the past - the people are still in your present and will be with you for the future - but once again i remind you we left we wanted to come we love it here we staying we cant go back to our old lifestyle and circles of friends have added and divided and thats OK - we would of also done the same should we have been the ones left behind etc etc - feeling unsettled is normal and affects people in diff ways - your children may not feel it and may totally feel they belong here and return skipping HOME.....hang in there the unsettled feeling will pass you will be fine again - its just fresh in your heart for now....here for you thru it all my friend
I think Linda has said it all. It will pass and you will settle into your routine. You have made England your home but you always have your South African home to come and visit and each time, I am sure, it will be a little easier and less unsettling.
I agree with both those comments. Its been a very eventful journey and you have done so well and handled all kinds of things without anything going moggy - thats amazing because you are a strong supportive family group led by you & Simon & I applaud you. I am sure you have strong feelings right now & so do your family & friends but hang in there it always gets better.
Hey gf, it was certainly food for my soul too, so wished Linnie was here to. Missed not seeing you on Saturday before you left, but the burden of being so far apart, is that technology keeps us close together. All hail skype {insert bow here} Love ya always :*
PS: my toes still look pretty darn good, kak weather, and i'm still wearing open toe shoes to show them off, albeit they're freezing! :)
GF...i love that saying home is where the heart is, because it doesn't attach too much to the title of home, but just implies that home can be anywhere you are happy and at peace - it doesnt have to be where you started off your life, it doesn't have to be where you end it, but it should always be in the street where you will find the place that you call home, which country that is in is just geography. SA will always be your roots, and maybe England is your wings.
HI THERE.YOU WILL ALWAYS BE PART OF SOUTH AFRICA,EVEN THOU YOU NO LONGER LIVE HERE.YOU GUYS HAVE MADE ENGLAND YR NEW HOME & I AM SURE THAT IN TIME YOU WILL ONCE AGAIN REALISE THAT IS WHERE YOU GUYS NOW BELONG.IT DOESN'T MEAN THAT YOU NO LONGER LIVE HERE THAT THE PEOPLE THAT LOVE YOU WILL EVA FORGET YOU.YOU & YOUR FAMILY HAVE MADE A HUGE IMPACT ON MANY PEOPLES LIVES & NOTHING WILL EVA CHANGE THAT.YOU WILL ALWAYS BE PART OF OUR LIVES.
MISS YOU ALL VERY MUCH, MARY
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