Wednesday 8th October 2008

It is 5pm here, and the house is surprisingly quiet....Megan and Phillip are out playing on the common with Megan's friend Sophie and Nicholas is dosing on the bean bag in the lounge, so I am taking this opportunity to jump onto the blog for an update.

Had a lovely morning at NCT again today....I really enjoy spending time with these 5 girls and feel a little bit sad that the course only has another two weeks to go. I have no doubt that we will continue to meet until the others return to work in January, but I have found the course content so worthwhile (on top of the social side) that I shall miss our workshops immensely.

I must admit to having quiet smile to myself today as well...when I arrived there 4 weeks ago, Nicholas was the only baby sucking a dummy and it was certainly a little bit frowned upon as dummies aren't nearly as widely used here as they are in South Africa...I continued to sooth him with his dummy through the last couple of weeks while some of the other moms paced up and down rocking and hushing and getting flustered while watching me enviously.

Finally last week one of the girls asked me if I wasn't worried that Nicholas would never give up his dummy, to which I replied that it was unlikely he would walk down the isle sucking one, and if a child is going to need a comforter when he or she is 4 it will find something, and if not a dummy then a bear or a blankie or a thumb, so it is not the dummy that is in fact the problem.....and then today, all 4 babies where sucking dummies (lol) so maybe this third time mom does know a thing or two.

Shopping at Tescos was another success and I returned home feeling rather triumphant - makes such a difference when there is mother and child parking right outside the door and it is treated with the same regard as disabled parking by the other shoppers, so there is always a bay free and they are extra large parkings to allow for easy manouvering of prams etc - what joy!!!!!

Nicholas is also much better today and has responded to the osteopathic treatment quite remarkably, he is now sleeping equally comfortably with his head to the left and we had a wonderful nights sleep last night with him only waking twice, once at 1am and once at 5am so if that carries on I am definitely not complaining. Megan and Phillip out to dinner tonight with Tasha and Murray so a quiet one in for Simon and I, and as I have dinner cooked already (thanks to shwartz) should be as lovely a stress free evening as it has been day.

Tuesday 7th October 2008

This morning I took Nicholas to see a cranial osteopath, and if (like me) you have no idea what that is, well the following should be useful......Based on the Osteopathic principle of structural re-alignment, Cranial Osteopathy is a refined and subtle type of osteopathic treatment of the structures of the head. It uses light manipulative pressure to encourage the release of stresses and strains in the head and throughout the whole body.

This gentle approach is an effective way of treating a range of conditions in all ages, but is often a preferred choice for babies and young children. During the birth process, a baby's head is subject to considerable stresses. Whilst the head is designed to absorb these stresses in a normal delivery, recovery may not always be complete, especially if the birth has been difficult. This may result in subtle changes in function, leading to problems such as feeding difficulties, colic and disturbed sleep patterns. Cranial Osteopathy can often be effective in the treatment of such problems.

Turns out Nicholas has a muscle stain on the right side of his neck between his 2nd and 3rd vertebrae and another one lower down near the base of his back. This is as a direct result of the venteus delivery and has resulted in a slight misalignment of his skull bones.....bottom line, he has a stiff back and neck and that is why he doesn't like to sleep in certain position and why he is so restless - Nick Gosset (the Osteopath) did a first treatment on him this morning and he is already more willing turn his head and after next weeks session we should see a vast improvement.

Other than that a very lazy day, not a great night last night and I have caught up on some much needed sleep....the house is clean and tidy and the ironing is all done after a marathon session yesterday and I have been able to have a go slow without any guilt at all which is lovely. Tea with my NCT group yesterday ended up with just two of us, but it was still lovely and Tanya and I got to know each other a little bit better, which was great - she has a little girl Tabitha who is 14 weeks old and it was just nice to sit and chat with someone in the same place that I am.

Sunday 5th October 2008

My word, but when we are lazy in this country we are soooo lazy, the weather is very conducive to long days indoors snuggled under the blankets watching tv, and that is exactly what we have done today.

Si and I only woke up after 9.30 and then I spent a very happy hour chatting first to Tanya and then Linda on the phone, gotta love my dh and his "talk in the Uk for free" phone package. Simon's famous pancakes for breakfast and wonderful tuna mayonnaise sandwiches with Cross and Blackwell Tangy Mayonnaise (purchased from the South African shop) for lunch.

The lovely thing about days like today is that it really gives you time to reflect and I confess to my mind wondering while I sat scrapping and reliving some of our wonderful memories here. In keeping with my gratitude entry a couple of days ago, I have decided to add a little something to my blog and I would love those of you who read it to join in. I first saw this idea done in a movie with Bruce Willis and Michelle Pfiffer (the name of which currently escapes me, along with the spelling of Pfiffer), and it is something that we have included on an ad hoc basis around our family table for years, and I know it is a practise carried out by the Andrew family and I think the Stemps also do some kind of version of it.

Basically it is recording your day's highs and lows and giving the family time to reflect on the joys and commiserate or help with the pains....anyway, my idea....every Sunday I am going to try and include my weeks highs and lows just as a record of some of the stuff we are going through.

High - Visiting Clinic and hearing that Nicholas has again gained weight and is reaching his milestones in keeping with his actual age rather than his corrected age.

Low - Dealing with some issues that Phil is experiencing with bully's. There is a little boy in his class who is making his life very difficult and it has reached the point where Phil doesn't even want a party for fear of it being called rubbish by this child. Needless to say I have had a word with the school and hopefully next weeks high will be about how Phil is doing so much better at school, so holding thumbs.

Saturday 4th October 2008

The weather has changed again, and my word is it cold.....last night the temperatures dropped to around 2 degrees and the heating went on, thank heavens for central heating, expensive but vital if we are going to survive this season, that along with our lovely thick fleecy blankets which Simon bought us last week - nothing quite as nice as been cuddled down in a lovely warm house under lovely warm blankets while the rain hammers on the windows and the wind howls around outside.

Makes you think about all those thousands of people in South Africa who don't have basic comforts such as warmth and blankets, at least here the poor are looked after, or at least the government tries to ensure that they are all protected and at the moment poor families can apply to have their homes (council flats) insulated for free, which is a good thing as they say we are in for a very cold winter.

As Megan is studying the Tudors at school this term we decided to brave the weather and head out for Tudor Day at Anne of Cleves House in Lewes. For those of you who (like me) haven't studied English history, Anne of Cleves was Henry VIII's fourth wife, and one of the ones who he divorced....remember the saying, "divorced, beheaded, died, divorced, beheaded, survived", well this Anne was one of the lucky ones.


We had a lovely morning and Megan, Phillip and Meg's little friend Shannon had great fun "experiencing" life as it was in Tudor time, complete with spinning on a spinning wheel and then on a spindle, which kept Phillip entranced for ages. Being able to experience days like this is one of the true treasures of living here, imagine spending the day in a house which is over 500 years old and is still held together by the original wooden beams, absolutely awe inspiring. We have promised Megan a trip up to Hampton Court in November as that was one of the main homes of Henry VIII and these trips so help her with her studies and makes the history come alive.


Tonight is pizza and strictly come dancing and tomorrow is a nice lazy day at home....gotta love the weekends, so nice to have Si and the kids at home!

Thursday 2nd October 2008

Today was clinic day and the first time I have been into the village since mom left.....well it felt very strange, and not in a nice way - I suppose it is the same feeling as you have when you are single and surrounded by couples in loving relationships, it seemed like every second woman was there with her mom and they were all laughing and chatting and I confess to feeling kinda sad.

I decided to take a walk up through the village to distract myself and you know what, it just made it worse, it seemed like everywhere I went made me think of mom and what we had been doing the same time last week - I know that these raw feelings will pass and I will slowly but surely get back on my feet, but I confess that it has taken me a bit by surprise, so if any of you reading this have recently immigrated and are expecting family or friends for a visit soon, make the most of it and love every minute of it and allow yourself the time to grieve once they leave, it is the reality of our lives now and although it isn't easy by any stretch of the imagination, it is the price and we have to learn to pay it willingly.

Once I was finally on my walk home I decided that, like I have said before, I can't change the situation only the way I react to it, and my mom wouldn't want me moping around, but rather celebrating my life here, so with that in mind I started focusing on what I am grateful for rather then what I am feeling miserable about, and I am glad to say it worked.

My dear friend Beryldene keeps a regular gratitude diary, I am unfortunately not quite as dedicated as she is, but counting your blessings certainly helps so with that in mind, here are a few of the things that I am grateful for today.

• I am grateful for the beautiful weather we have been having lately, it is a last little bit of summer and the countryside is absolutely spectacular at the moment.
• I am grateful that I can sit in the park and watch the squirrels collecting acorns for the winter, not everyone has the opportunity to change their life so dramatically and have so many new experiences at my age and it is wonderful.
• I am grateful that my children are happy and settled in their new school and with their new life.
• I am grateful for my beloved husband, he really is the most amazing man and his patience with me and commitment to our family has never been as obvious as it is now during this new adventure.
• I am grateful for Nicholas and the wonderful medical care we have received to date and the support that we will continue to receive as he grows up.
• I am grateful to my dad for allowing my mom to stay so long and patiently teaching her skype so that we can stay in touch.
• I am grateful to my mom for putting her life on hold so that my family could get on our feet and learn to cope with our new arrival.
• I am grateful for my continued contact with the Bratz, whenever I need a lift they are always there and amazingly the distance hasn't weakened our friendship at all only made it better.
• I am grateful for my new friends and the special flavour that they are adding to my life, their kindness first through our initial arrival, then through Nicholas's birth and now through my mom's departure has been a wonderful and unexpected gift.

And those are just some of the reasons that I can go to sleep tonight with a content heart and wake tomorrow looking forward to all that it has to offer.

Wednesday 1st October 2008

NTC group meeting this morning, I must admit I am really loving this course and am going to explore the option of completing a two year diploma in post natal counselling - that is a wonderful thing about living here, studying is really easy and there are loads and loads of opportunities to get involved with helping people.

The community spirit down where we live is tremendous and the attitude towards new mothers has been a pleasant surprise, I have been so blessed with all the support and encouragement that I have received that I would really like to give something back once Nicholas is a little older and as I so so loved Mom's and Babes and being involved in PNDSA I thought what better way. The girls on the course are also great and we now meet twice a week, once for tea and chat and once for NTC, so it is at my house next Monday and I am looking forward to entertaining again and intend to lay on a lovely cream tea complete with strawberry jam scones and fresh clotted cream.

After the class I braved the very scary situation of weekly shopping at Tesco's without mom, and considering that last week (with mom) was almost a disaster as Nicholas started screaming half way through the shop, my hands were literally shaking as I pushed the trolley in through the door.....fortunately we made it and Nick was a little cherub, in fact, I was so heartened by our success that I even headed futher into the town to Argos to buy Nicholas an activity gym - he is really getting strong now and is awake for around 4 hours in the afternoon so the idea is that he will spend at least some of that time in the conservatory "playing" while I get the dinner done.

Finished the day off with a visit to our local secondary school and I was very very pleasantly surprised not only by the facilities but by the attitude of the teacher's and pupils and by all the subjects both academic and vocational that the school has to offer - it is definately a very strong contender at this stage, and the best bit is that Megs could walk to school.

The school even has a working farm and Megan was very excited at the prospect of being able to be a "young farmer" in the afternoons and get involved with all types of animal husbandry, something she has been very keen on since her time at Waldorf....this along with the textile and food technology couses has her wishing she could start there next term.

Tuesday 30th September 2008

It is amazing how quickly life settles back to normal and today has been a perfect example, I am back into my routine of cleaning and ironing and have even managed to prepare dinner before 2pm, okay admittedly it is with the help of my new best friends....my slow cooker and Schwartz sauces, but they truly are amazing and I couldn't cook the meal from scratch for the price or taste of Schwartz, they are so good mom even went home armed with about 20 of them.

We are off to an art exhibition at the children's school tonight which should be lovely , but the weather is icy again so not delighted to have to be taking Nicholas out....but what can we do, that is life now I guess.

Monday 29th September 2008

The first morning without mom and as I have said before, a huge hole in the house where she should be. The children have stayed at home today as we arrived back from London so late last night and they were so exhaused that Si and I decided they deserved a pj day to recover. My new friend Catherine (a mom at the children's school) arrived at 10h45 armed with chocolate cake to check in on me and we had a lovely visit which provided a much needed diversion. Floors have been vacumed and clothes have been washed and I am about to start the ironing, so I guess as they (who ever the hell they are) say, life goes on.

Nicholas has reached the two month mark today and it doing very well...he is smiling more now and although he still sleeps a lot during the day (and not much at night), when he is awake he is absolutely delightful and charms all he comes into contact with.


Am feeling much better than this morning having spoken to mom and found out that she is home safe and sound and feeling good, also had a long chat with Beryldene and that is always enough to brighten my day, so the soul is restored and I am back in business!!!!!

Sunday 28th September 2008

Wow, that was much harder than anticipated......after a fairly laid back start to the morning, we caught the overland train up to Clapham Junction where we were met by Andrew and went back to his flat for lunch (7 of us in a 5 seater was something to behold lol, but we survived). Lunch was followed by a leisurely stroll up the river and the children played in Wandsworth Park while the grownups continued the walk to work off the gorgeous meal (even more gorgeous considering it was put on by a confirmed bachelor).

So lovely to be able to leave the children playing for an hour and know that they would be okay.....I know, I know, you are probably sick of hearing how safe it is here, but it is still a pleasant surprise to us, so please bare with me for a little longer!

The afternoon soon ran away with us and it was time to start the trek to Heathrow, and I am not to proud to admit that this is where the problems started and it was directly my fault....a bit of history.....we have spent many an hour in London traffic (as you will remember from past posts) and I thought that it would be so much easier and less stressful for all concerned to simply catch the train up to the airport and then make our way back again by the same method - I thought it would be much easier all round and a bit of a final adventure for mom, sadly I hadn't taken into account the underground!

While overland trains are very civilised and a lovely, comfortable way to travel, the tubes are another thing all together - there are no lifts on most of the stations and Simon and I were lugging prams and suitcases up and down flights of stairs, the carriages are all extremely full and tragedy was only just averted when the door closed on Nicholas's pram because another passenger just stepped onto the train and stopped.....no consideration at all, well I am sure that he will be feeling the bruise on his foot that I gave him when Si finally managed to pry the doors off us and I shoved the pram onto the train (lesson learned, Nicholas only boards trains on my person from now on and never ever again in a pram....absolutely terrifying and enough to reduce my poor mother to tears). After two tube changes we finally arrived at Heathrow and a rather more stressed and rather less composed mother went through check in and then after a very rushed goodbye (planned with no tears to help all concerned) she was through security and on her way home.

Having seen her off, we then had to make our way back to Victoria Station to catch the overland train back to Haywards Heath - what a nightmare, we proceeded to catch the first tube back to Green Park where the plan was to then connect onto the Victoria Line to tube into Victoria, only to discover on arrival that the Victoria Line was closed for maintenance, so we then worked out if we caught the Bakerloo line to Embankment and then connected to the Circle Line we would finally arrive at Victoria - my children were absolutely wonderful and managed along even though they were by this time so tired they could barely stay awake, Nicholas was breastfed on trains and walking through the station and he also managed unbelievably well.

Amongst all this however, I have to mention a moment of kindness which gave us all the strength to keep going and stay cheerful.....on the trip from Bakerloo to Embankment there were two young Spanish men sitting opposite Phillip, Nicholas and I, and I can only imagine that from the strained exhausted looks on our faces they felt sorry for us, because before I knew it, they were handing us all packets of crisps with smiling faces and although not a word passed between us it was a very uplifting moment of incredible kindness, and restored my faith in humanity!

Well we finally made Victoria Station and found our rather more comfortable train home, and it was only at this point that my world fell apart and it fully hit home that my mom has gone and that she will only get to see and hold Nicholas again when he is a little toddler of approximately 13 - 15 months old...it was totally devastating and I spent the trip home and most of the remainder of the evening in tears......it is not that I want to go back to South Africa, I realised again last night when we finally arrived back in Lindfield that it is home and I LOVE it here, I just wish my folks were up the road like they used to be, and while I understand that is a totally illogical choice, it doesn't make me want it any less. The hole in the house where mom used to be is huge at the moment, but I guess we were really lucky to have her for as long as we did and I am eternally grateful for that.

All in all a very hard day!

Saturday 27th September 2008

Final packing day for mom and a day spent at home enjoying the lovely weather. Spent the evening with Robert, Kerry and the kids - had a lovely roast chicken on the webber with all the trimming and much much laughter, a simply stunning way for mom to spend her last night with us, and hopefully a memory she will carry with her.