I have just heard of another South African who has decided this little piece of the world is not for her and after just a little over a year they are repatriating to South Africa - their reason when I asked "I AM AN AFRICAN" which leaves me wondering, well what am I?
I find these repatriations a little unsettling to be honest, not because it makes me wonder if we are doing the right thing by staying, or wondering if they know something I don't, but it is rather a disquieting feeling that there may be something wrong with me.....why don't I feel the dreadful pull all these people feel, why is my soul not longing for the wide open African continent? I always believed my African heart beat was very strong and felt my African roots very deeply, but at times like these I find myself questioning this reality.
Why has it been so easy for me to move away, to make a new life and to start again.....obviously the pain of being away from my parents is still with me daily, but other than that we really have moved on. We have our eyes pointed firmly forward and the urge to look back is simply not there. Does that make me cold and heartless, am I in denial and will all this come crashing down on me one day when I least expect it or have I finally, well and truly conquered the art of living in the present?
I have NO regrets about my life in South Africa, we were happy there, we had wonderful friends and our lives were good and yet I have been able to give it ALL up and go forward with relative ease. Yes there have been HORRIFIC days when the ache in my heart is like a physical pain, but it ALWAYS passes and even in those worst moments I think the quickest way to snap me out of it would be to say "go on book the tickets, go back"
So what makes us different, those of us who go forward and make a life on the other side - that don't just exist away from our "motherland" but who actually thrive and find joy in our new lives? I really don't know and that leaves me feeling a little bit strange.
7 comments:
Lovely heartfelt post. As much as the thought of moving (anywhere) gives me a feeling of dread...your post just shows how we are all different and that some of us adapt easier then others. Some people can never adapt. That does not make you strange at all...I wish I could accept change as easily as you do.
Glad to hear that you will be coming "home" for a visit...wish I lived closer to Durbs...I would love to meet you in real life.
xx
I think a) having a blog helps you and b) you are going out as often as possible acquainting yourself with everything life has to offer you there and c) your temperament is such that you are a naturally happy person who works hard on her marriage & family relationships with kids etc, and I think those types {like you & me}can be happy anywhere because happiness is within us not found outside of us. There is certainly nothing wrong with you. The most common question I get asked is "would you ever go back?" {to Zim} and the answer is an unquestionable NO. I never want to go back, ever, not even on another holiday. I had a great life there initially & many happy memories, but the time is over now & I don't like living in the past. I hate the AFRICAN ball & chain syndrome where there is nothing you can do but live in Africa - very narrow minded. We are all citizens of the world & with the right mindset can live wherever it suits us so don't fret about it too much!
I know many who have returned back to SA and cant say we wont in the future ourselves as we miss the SA friendly people, the summer and lifestyle there ~ but we have other things here...so its a hard one.
My friends in UK are going back the end of this year...cause they want their kids to have their grandparents, no other reason....the others I know all go back for family.I know if my kids were with me I would not think of returning but they no and now I have grandchildren I am missing out on. I want to go to CT only...if I return.
We got a job offer in JHB in May this year which we turned down...I cant see myself living there ever...rather stay here...
Its hard going, its coming up for my 6th year away in December...my first 4 years away were hell.
I am with you all the way here (except the aching heart sometimes I havent had that yet). I feel we have all moved on and that part was really easy, not because we werent happy but just because things are just so much easier here. Life is simpler here, the news is easy to listen to, the papers fun to read, the TV is entertainment, I suppose I could go on forever.
We left SA 11 years ago now, and have never been back and never will (unless a family trauma dictates). I am originally from the UK and spent 20 years in SA, so perhaps it was easier for me to come back. My husband is a true blue South African, he has no family in the UK except me, and has left all his family behind. We occasionally have them over to stay with us, and I have said to him if he wants to go back (for a holiday!), just say and we will make a plan, but he's insistent he never wants to go back.
I loved my time in SA, it made me the person I am today and I'm proud of that, but I have definitely moved on and the next chapter is being written.
That's not to say my heart didn't break when I saw CT on the TV during the WC, I have travelled a fair bit and nothing compares to CT, but I know a week would be enough to remind me why I wanted to leave.
Like Jo said, life is so much simpler here, and that was what we wanted for ourselves. And we love it :-)
i totally agree with you my friend i read your post and really relate and i am in the same situation - with the same feelings.
I read something the other day that makes a lot of sense to me... (but bear in mind that I am still in SA, so have no idea what it's like to emigrate!!)anyway, this article was about a couple who emigrated and the husband is happy and settled, but the wife has a hankering to return to SA. The husband said that what he thinks can make or break an emigration is whether you "leave S.A" or "go to xxx" In his case he "went to the USA" in his wife's case she "left SA" - those who focus on the leaving of their homeland are the ones who battle to settle; those who focus on the "going to" are the ones who find the adjustment less difficult... made sense to me. It's all in the attitude really, isn't is?
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