Wednesday 5th May 2010

Another week is well on it way in our sleepy little hamlet and I can't believe that in less than 3 weeks we will have been living here 2 full years.....As with this time last year, I find myself starting to reflect and again asking the question "If I had known what I know now would I have done it?"

The answer for me is this time not so easy......had I known the pain of missing my family and friends, the exhaustion of housekeeping 24/7 while raising a baby, the fear of the unknown and the stress of starting over again financially to be honest the answer would probably be NO.

Before you embark on a journey like ours NOTHING can prepare you for it, no number of blogs or conversations with people who have gone before, there is no way to imagine what it is like when you are desperately ill and hanging over the toilet while your infant sits at your feet and your husband tries to make his hour trip home, there is no way to describe the conflicting emotions as you say goodbye to your parents knowing you won't see them again for at very least 6 months.

There is only one way to prepare for this experience and that is to LIVE it and I think that is why God ensured that we had absolutely no idea what we are getting into before we started, or we may never have had the courage to begin.

All that said however, in the words of my wonderful and wise husband "I am so glad we didn't know because then we would have missed out". The rush of making it, of having a successful immigration is wonderful, the beautiful people we have met and grown to love along the way, the belief in ourselves that we have developed and the deep respect we now have for others that have gone before us have made us grow in ways we never imagined.

I now have two homes, the one of my birth and the one of my life, they are both beautiful beyond measure and without this experience I would never have learned to cherish the feeling of the spring sun after a long cold winter, the sight of squirrels running amongst the leaves collecting acorns to sustain their families when the weather turns harsh, the feeling of snow on my face and the wonder of a truly warm home in below freezing temperatures, the joy the sight of the first spring flowers can bring and the deep sense of satisfaction on a warm summer evening.

Without this experience I would never have truly known what a strong and capable woman my parents raised and I don't believe I would have ever reached my true potential. I am not saying that this journey is what every person needs to really feel alive, there are hundreds, no thousands of immigrants all over the world and from every country desperate to return home and I really do understand that, where a year ago I didn't......all I know is that for me (and my beautiful family) this has been RIGHT and despite all those very hard times it is WORTH it and we WOULD do it all again because although we now know the price we also finally understand the reward.