I have always felt I live in one of the prettiest parts of England, that is of course if you like the countryside which I do....we have lots of woods surrounding us and one HUGE advantage of living in the wealthy (and Conservative) South is the magnificent gardens.


Most of these gardens are managed by the National Trust and are open to the public for a nominal fee, I became an annual member of Wakehurst Place in Ardingly last year and decided to renew again this year as for £22 I can literally visit the gardens every day if the urge takes me. Today was one of those days, inspired by the bluebells in Blunts Wood yesterday Nicholas and I set off for a long walk after checking out a nursery for him early this morning.

Wakehurst Place is spectacular at this time of the year and I spent two hours wondering around enjoying the beauty nature serves up every spring in this country. While Nicholas slept peacefully in his pram I found my mind wandering aimlessly over many different topics and at one point while down amongst the bluebells I found myself to be deeply and truly happy - not the euphoric, excited, huge bubble kind of happy but rather a deep, quiet and somehow hugely significant kind of happy.....a contentment I don't know if I have ever felt before and it was good that it happened whilst I was alone, with no input from others, but totally at peace with myself.


What happened yesterday and what will come tomorrow (metaphorically speaking) had no significance at all, in those moments I let go all the guilt and the frustration and literally walked away from it, I have no doubt that they will return as that is human nature after all, and before long I will once again be confronted by my less than perfect self but for right then I was at peace with who I am and where I am and what I am doing for right now and it was a deeply spiritual moment for me. God's grace was all around me in the beauty of my surroundings and for that brief period of time I felt Him say "it is okay my child" and I believed.