Pregnancy number 4

Anyone who has known Si and I a long time will be well aware of the fact that we have always wanted 4 children....well I have been unwavering on that at least, I think there have definitely been times when my dh would have happily settled at a smaller number :0)

8 months ago our dream of conceiving our fourth child finally came true and although I really wouldn't change it for the world this has been without a doubt the hardest pregnancy I have experienced and sadly the more I look back on it the more I realise I really haven't enjoyed even a single minute of.

I have been in almost constant pain since my 5th month (just after the exhaustion started to abate) and am sadly now at the point where I literally have to go upstairs on my hands and knees at night as I can no longer bare weight on my pelvis by this time of the day. Walking more than 50m results in numbness down the front of my right leg and my cyatic nerve is seriously compromised as well.

Basically I am miserable, I sometimes lie on the floor at night (the only place that I can get comfortable) and just cry....I cry for this precious little baby whose mommy has done nothing but moan for months on end, I cry for fear that this pain won't go away once the baby is born, but ABOVE all I cry in absolute gratitude to my AMAZING husband and two older children.

Simon, Megan and Phillip have done just about EVERYTHING for me in recent weeks, they are my hands and feet, they occupy Nicholas for hours on end, Si cooks dinner most nights (after being out of our home for 12 hours every day) and the whole family has just generally gathered around me in the most heartwarming and spectacular way.

When I am feeling strong they support me and do things with me to lift my spirits, but when I am literally unable to get off my bed or chair they accept this as well with a grace and good humour I am not sure that I would process if the roles were reversed.

Thanks you guys, I LOVE and APPRECIATE you more than I think you will ever know xxxxx